A few weeks ago I spent some time thinking about my sermon prep process. As I thought about it, I listed out a few steps that I felt like I needed to remind myself of as I spend time writing messages. The steps are soak it in, break it down, put flesh on it, and own it.
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This past Sunday we finished our 4 week sermon series titled "Cooties." Cooties was a series all about dating, relationships, friendships with the opposite sex, and sexual purity. For the final week of the series we focused on sexual purity, to do this we broke the group into two and spent time discussing the same topic with just 6th and 7th graders and again with 8th graders only. The message was very similar, with some more explicit details for the 8th grade message.
Good things, used wrong ways.
Sex is a good thing. It was a part of creation. When we read the creation account in Genesis 1, God not only creates male and female, but he also commands them to be fruitful and multiply (aka: have sex). God created sex; it was his idea and he even called it "very good." This is an important reality for us as we talk about sex because it's easy for us to get caught up in an idea that sex is bad and we shouldn't do it. Sex is good...when it is used the way God intended it to be used.
Just like many good things; because of sin, good things often get used in wrong ways. Too much water can make someone die. Too much food might make someone extremely obese. The internet can allow for a wealth of information or it could allow for anonymous bullying. These are good things and can be very good, but they can also be misused. After sin enters the picture in Genesis 3, humanity starts to use good things in wrong ways. Sex, which is a good thing, when used in the wrong way can be very damaging.
Gross, God, or Gift.
There are three possibilities for how we might think about sex. Two of them are common, but not biblical. And the third is bibilical but probably the least common. Many people think gross as soon as they hear the topic of sex. In fact, gross might be most common in settings like a church where it is easy for us to simply give they message that "sex is bad." Sex is not gross; God created it. The most popular thought pattern in culture is most likely god. This is the idea that your own desires rule regardless of how that lines up with what God has set as the standard. The culture worships our own desires, often found in sexual behaviors, as god. The third way we can think about it is as a gift. God created it, God designed it, and God has given it to us so we need to be responsible and use it the way that he intended it.
This past Sunday, we began our new sermon series for the middle school ministry for the month of February. Cooties is a series about friendships, dating, identity, and sexual purity. For four weeks we are going to be looking at what we can learn about dating and relationships during the middle school years.
More Than Friends
During middle school, it is very normal for people to begin having the desire to be "more than friends." Because of the changes that are happening, during this age we begin to look at the opposite sex differently. While 3rd graders focus on playing tag with the opposite gender, 7th graders begin to have all kinds of ideas about what it means to be boyfriend and girlfriend. These new attractions are normal; it's part of growing up. Now, what we do with these new attractions is a very important discussion to have.
Is Dating in Middle School Beneficial?
The Bible doesn't ever say that dating in middle school is a sin, so I cannot say that it is not allowed. It might be a sin, however, if dating in middle school is causing you to sin in the way you're treating others, the way you're talking or what you're doing with your significant other, or if your parents say you are not allowed. But let's say none of this is happening, is dating in middle school beneficial?
In 1 Corinthians 10:23 Paul writes, “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible”—but not everything is constructive." Paul isn't specifically talking about dating, in fact he's talking about dietary laws. But I think the truth of this statement holds significant value to the dating discussion in middle school. Dating in middle school may be allowed, but is it helpful?
If you say yes...
I would argue it's not beneficial, but you might argue yes. And if you argue yes there are some important things to be aware of that might come along with dating.
- What do your parents say? If they say no, don't do it.
- Spend time in groups while dating in middle school. You can really get to know people this way.
- What will you do when it comes to break ups? Do you want to deal with that yet?
- What's your motivation for dating? Is it something other than finding a future spouse?
- There are a whole bunch of new temptations. (You need to be thinking about your sexual purity)
- Can you maintain your normal friendships while having a boyfriend/girlfriend?
That's a lot to think about and manage. At some point even with everything that comes along with dating, it is still worth it because the benefit is finding a spouse but is that something you want to be worrying about in middle school?
If you say no...
I think that's a smart decision; I am not saying you shouldn't like or "like like" people. There will still be certain individuals that you have crushes on and you want to spend more time with than the others, but you are simply deciding that the most beneficial thing is to not worrying about having a boyfriend or girlfriend right now.
So what do you do?
1. Don't date. If you don't think it's beneficial, don't do it.
2. Learn to be a great friend right now. The qualities that will be important for you in being a good boyfriend or girlfriend or finding one, will probably be the same qualities that are important in having a good friendship. Right now learn how to be a great friend to the opposite sex and that will be of significant value when you do decide to start dating.
Pixar is one of the most creative companies in the world. They consistently push the boundaries of technology, release hit movies, and tell touching stories. I have loved Pixar movies since I first saw Toy Story and I continue to love both their movies and their approach to being a creative organization. In the Church we may not be creating movies, but a significant portion of our work is about telling the story of Christ and life change within our midst and finding creative ways to do so. Because of this I think we can learn a lot from Pixar's approach to fostering creativity.
Empower the creatives.
If there are people that are trying to be creative within your church organization, whether they are trying to be creative in their planning of a worship service, their student ministry, or the management of a staff, it is important that they feel empowered. In most studios, specialized deparments generate movie ideas while another department works on making those ideas into a film. At Pixar the job of the development department is not developng the movie, but finding people who will work well together, keeping their team healthy, and helping them solve problems.
Perhaps the best way to help our creative teams is not finding more inspiration, but helping them to work well together. Empowering the creatives is less about teaching them to be more creative and more about helping them as a creative team. The student ministry team is empowered not when they realize they have innovative ideas, but when they can work well together.
"If you give a good idea to a mediocre team, they'll screw it up. But if you give a mediocre idea to a great team, they'll make it work." - Harvard Business Review on Pixar
Show Unfinished Work
At Pixar there is a group of people consisting of eight directors called the brain trust. The idea is that the group can get together and show a work in progress and follow up with a discussion about making the movie better. Because of the amount of trust in this group of people, they refine creative ideas without an ego preventing critical feedback and without hesitancy from the other members to not pull any punches.
When is the last time you were able to bring a raw, unfinished idea to your team and work it out? Having a peer culture allows for good ideas to be developed into great ideas. It allows everybody on the team to offer the insight and challenges. What would it look like for you to present your sermon series idea before a "brain trust" of people to help you work it out? What if you were able to write music and present it to a "brain trust" within your church? What if you could take your student ministry retreat idea and work through it with your team and knew that doing it together would make it significantly better?
The most difficult temptation to overcome in creativity is the idea that we must wait for inspiration. There is not a creative person on the planet that doesn't love the moments where an idea seemingly bursts out of nothing in the middle of the night. These inspirational moments are important, but they are not the norm.
I've recently been spending some time with our worship planning team as we've discussed Christmas services and the upcoming calendar year. One of the tools that I've found indespinsible when it comes to discussing music for worship services is Spotify. I've had Spotify for several months, but it wasn't until recently that I've really found the full potential of what's possible.
Listen To Songs Without Buying Them
It's no big deal to buy a song for 99 cents, but when you are trying to discover new songs it's helpful to be able to listen to songs quickly without ever having to purchase them. 99 cents is not a lot of money, but multiply that over hundreds of songs and it adds up quickly. Spotify lets you search their huge library and listen to the song; plus if you have their premium account you can listen to all these songs on the go.
Get Suggestions From Others
One way that I've found Spotify helpful during planning is by utilizing the subscribe feature. What better way for people who cannot be in a meeting to have a voice into your planning then sharing a playlist? Song discovery is crucial to planning and also can also be very difficult. Suggestions from others is a huge assistant in the song discovery process.
Use Apps for Finding Lyrics
Spotify recently added the ability to install apps; I'm curious what the potential is for something like this is. Initially the best feature that I've found because of the apps is their integration with TuneWiki to allow for reading the lyrics of your current song. They don't have every song in their database yet, but I'm sure it will grow and continue to be useful.