Leading Small Groups Well

[This post is a part of the Youth Ministry 101 series]

If you are a part of youth ministry, you are also likely in some way involved with leading some type of small group discussion. The conversations that take place in youth ministry are a critical element of any youth ministry. Small group discussions may be built in as a small or large part of a weekly program; they may be something entirely separate from any program. Allowing our students to participate in discussing and discovering the truth of scripture as we lead them through a bible study can be both a difficult process and a rewarding one.

5 Tips for Leading a Small Group

1. Be okay with silence.

This is difficult. Most leaders want to fill in the spaces and start talking; but silence is not a bad thing. Wait. Allow them to think and process the question. Don't feel the need to move onto something else too quickly if there isn't an answer right away. Perhaps the question just needs to be asked in a different way.

2. Ask the right questions.

The best small group leaders are not the ones that have a lot of information to share, but the ones who know how to ask the right questions. A good question can set into motion a great conversation. If you are given questions to work through, look for opportunities to ask follow up questions to really dig into the heart of the answer.

3. Have fun.

This is youth ministry; if your small group is boring, they are not going to want to come.

4. Contact students outside of church.

Youth ministry is all about relationships. One of the best ways to build relationships with students is to be in touch with them outside of weekly youth ministry programs. Call them to follow up with something you talked about previously. Post something on their facebook wall. Attend one of their sporting events. These things mean a lot to a student in your small group.

5. It's all about Jesus.

This probably shouldn't be last, but I didn't put them in any particular order. Everything you do in your small group is ultimately about students growing in their relationship with Jesus. That doesn't mean that everything you do needs to be an in-depth discussion about Him, but it does mean that as a leader you should recognize that the fun you have, even if it doesn't relate to anything, is done for the sake of Jesus. It's all about Jesus; even the stuff that doesn't seem like it is.

Photo Credit: stlyouth

Creativity According to Steve Jobs

“Creativity is just connecting things. When you ask creative people how they did something, they feel a little guilty because they didn’t really do it, they just saw something. It seemed obvious to them after a while. That’s because they were able to connect experiences they’ve had and synthesize new things.” - Steve Jobs in 1995 interview (HT: Austin Kleon)

You Might Be a Middle School Pastor If

Being around a group of other middle school ministry pastors for a weekend inspired me to make a list of random generealizations about what is true of many of us who find ourselves working with middle school students.  All of these things came from observations that I had about middle pastors while at the campference; they are all at least true of myself.

You Might Be a Middle School Pastor If...

• You own a pair (or two) of a converse.
• You cannot walk through wal-mart without thinking of game ideas.
• You think poop is funny.
• You have a nerf gun in your office.
• You think any object can become a game.
• You think you're awesome at dodgeball because you normally dominate middle schoolers.
• You love to meet other people who love middle school students.
• Your crazy enough to believe junior high students can change the world.

What should I add to the list?

Photo Credit: Varjakkk

When I Was in Junior High

If you work with middle school students, it's always helpful to think back to what life was like when you were in middle school.  I spent some time thinking about it, and here is the list that I came up with:

• I wanted to be in the NBA.
• I bought an mp3 player for $300 that held 8 songs.
• People freaked out about Y2K.
• Gas cost a little over $1/gallon.
• I started using AOL Instant Messenger and created my first ever SN: rjgrune2000 still works to this day.
• I didn't own a cell phone.
• My computer ran Windows 98.
• My grandma had this crazy computer called an iMac.
• People in schools started worrying about school shooting.
• Pirating music became popular due to a program called napster.
• Beanie Babies and Tamagotchi were popular for a short time.
• I made a website dedicated to Britney Spears.
• A teacher told me I'd make a good pastor someday; I thought she was crazy.

What was your life like in middle school?

Luther on Preaching

Throughout history God has used the spoken word to transform lives.  Preaching has been an avenue that the holy spirit has worked through for thousands of years.  Certainly over these years, many elements of preaching has changed.  The context of the preaching is significantly different than it once was, yet at the same time many elements of preaching have held true over time.

The great reformer, Martin Luther was not only a fan of preaching, but specifically of preahcing simple and clear sermons.  Luther commonly would not concern himself with spending time educating about Hebrew and Greek words, but instead explain the same words in everyday language.  In a time where the wealth of information that is accessible at the click of a button, I think we must be reminded that our goal shouldn't be to say everything we can about a subject, but to teach one thing in a clear, simple way.

"To preach plain and simple is a great art: Christ himself talks of tilling ground, of mustard seed, etc; he uses altogether homely anad similitudes.  Cursed are all preachers that in the church aim at high and hard things, and neglecting the saving health of the poor unlearned people, seek their own honor and praise...When I preach, I sink myself deep down.  I regard neither Doctors or Magistrates, of whom, are here in this church above forty; but I have my eye to the multitude of young people, children, and servants, of whome are more than 2000.  I preach to those."  - Martin Luther

The Art of Preaching

I love to preach.  I love standing in front of my whiteboard during the week and start writing and sketching out my ideas for the sermon that's in my head.  I love getting up in front of our students on a Sunday morning or one of our retreats and opening up the scripture together.  When Luther speaks of preaching in a plan and simple way, he describes it as great art.  Anybody can come up with something to say, but to say it simply... that's art.  Anybody can talk about the hypostatic union of Christ (well, maybe not anybody), but to do it in a way that doesn't put a twelve year old to sleep and instead engages him...that's art.

My hope as I continue to preach to our students is that I don't get caught up into try to spew out all the information that I can learn, but to craft messages that speak clearly and simply.  That I can like a great artist leave piles of great ideas behind for the sake of saying one thing really well.

What's the most difficult part  for you about preaching plain and simple?

Photo Credit: John14:6

Thoughts on the Middle School Ministry Campference

This past weekend I got to be a part of the Middle School Ministry Campference put on by the Youth Cartel.  This event was unlike any other youth ministry conference that I've been to.  The main reason for this was that it took place at Spring Hill Camps, allowing it to take the best elements of a conference and mix it with the best elements of camp.  Because of the camp environment, the conference was less about listening to keynotes, although that was important, and more about spending time with the middle school ministry tribe.  I loved to be able to go to breakout discussions, play dodgeball in the gym, hang out throwing pizza boxes into the fire, or just hang out talking about life and ministry, all with other people who love middle school students.  Being at camp, all of the speakers hung out with us, which gave us a great opportunity to not only learn from them as they led breakouts or keynotes, but also to learn from them personally and get to know them as friends.

I'm Not Alone

There aren't a lot of people that I know who not only feel called to youth ministry but also specifically students in junior high.  In fact, before this event, I couldn't have told you anyone that I knew (at least personally) that is specifically in middle school ministry.  Coming to this event allowed me to get to sit down with a ton of different people and get to know stories, passions, and dreams.  It was fun to meet other people who are fired up about junior high ministry.  It was like getting a bunch of people together who all understand why each other is crazy enough to spend so much time with this age group.

Middle School Ministry Matters

In the last keynote session, Marko briefly touched on something that was really interesting.  He talked about the fact that in adolescent years that brain is forming tons of new neural pathways and also shortly later winnowing those down.  When this happens, studies have shown that the way the brain decides which connections to eliminate is by getting rid of the ones that aren't used.  In middle school, students brains are being hard-wired for how they will think the rest of their life.  That is an incredible calling; to help students learn to thing biblically in a time where there brain is being hard-wired for how the will thing for their entire adult life.

Here's a short video highlighting some of the event put together by Tom Roepke.

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How To Get Middle Schoolers To Worship

Worship is an abstract concept.  Worship is anything that we do in response to God for who he is and what we've done.  While simple in statement, the reality is it can be a difficult thing to grasp.  Despite it being difficult, not only do I think middle school students can grasp this, I think that often they understand worship better than many adults.  In middle school ministry one of our primary goals is to lead our students in the worship of Christ.  All our students are worshippers, so as leaders we try to guide them to worship Jesus, not just in song, but with all of their life.  We want our students to worship Him in their homes, as they go to school, and as they gather together with the Church.

But beause of the place that we find middle school students, how can we teach something as abstract as worship?  When it comes to corporate worship, how can we teach them how to worship in that environment?  When it comes to our personal life, how can we teach them how to worship in all that they say and do?

Show Middle Students How to Worship

During one of our retreats, there was an interesting moment when I looked around the room as students were worshipping through song.  I noticed that as we transitioned from the jump-around, "undignified," style of singing many of our students were still engaged in singing to God as we sung an ancient hymn.  This is not typically what I'd expect in a room full of junior high students, but then again, why should I expect anything different.

Why did these students seemingly get it?  What I noticed about this time was that the way many of our students worshipped publicly was an imitation of the way our leaders worshipped through song.  And I'm not talking just about the leaders on stage.  But as I looked around the room at our leaders scattered throughout the room, I saw students looking to them for leadership.  It was an important reminder to me that we are all worship leaders.

If you lead middle school school students, how are you modeling worship when you are gathered to worship corporately?  If you parent middle school students, how to you model a life of worship in all of your life?  When you are in conversations and spending time with middle school students you serve, how are you modeling what a life of worship looks like?  The best way to teach middle school students how to worship is not from the stage, but having people who demonstrate the worship of Christ in all that they say and do.

Photo Credit: Elaine A

Ministry Lessons from Apple

Apple is one of my favorite companies that exists, and Steve Jobs is one of my heroes.  I think that Apple is able to continually push their software and hardware far beyond what anybody else is able to do.  They continually deliver amazing products and because of the success of their organization and innovations, I think there is a lot we can learn from them that applies to leading in the both the ministry realm and the business realm.

People Don't Know What They Need

Apple is known for not looking to their customers to figure out what they need to do.  They do what they think is going to be the best product for the end user and they are usually right.  When the iPhone first came out, people complained that it didn't have a keyboard; now, people don't care that there is no keyboard.

“Apple market research” is an oxymoron. The Apple focus group was the right hemisphere of Steve’s brain talking to the left one. If you ask customers what they want, they will tell you, “Better, faster, and cheaper”—that is, better sameness, not revolutionary change. They can only describe their desires in terms of what they are already using—around the time of the introduction of Macintosh, all people said they wanted was better, faster, and cheaper MS-DOS machines. - Guy Kawaski on Steve Jobs

In ministry, it would be a shame if we didn't listen to the people in our ministries, but that being said, a lot of the things that our students need to hear, they don't realize they need to hear.  Where I see this practice of Apple, really applying to our ministry, is when it comes to these unfelt needs.  What do you know your students need to hear or experience that they don't realize they need?  Apple figures out what they think that people need and they deliver a life-changing piece of technology.  When your ministry figures out an unfelt need and is able to help a student see the importance of it, they can give a life-changing message.

All the Details Matter

Apple is known for paying attention to every little detail.  The images that you see as soon as you launch an app, the placement of screws on a macbook, or even the design of internal parts of a machine that you may never open.  Apple pays close attention to the small details because they believe that the little things matter.  In your ministry are you paying attention to the little things?  How does somebody feel when they walk into the room?  How do guests feel when it's their first time checking out the church?  How well are parents informed about the details of an upcoming trip?  Are all the students feeling like somebody cares about them?

Be the Best, Not the First

Believe it or not, Apple didn't invent the smartphone, they revolutionized it.  Apple was not the first to create a phone that could run apps, but they did it better than anybody else.  They weren't the first company to allow apps to run in the background or change the way notifications worked, but they do it the best.

"[Researchers] found that only 9 percent of pioneers end up as the final winners in a market.  Gillette didn't pioneer the safety razor; Star did.  Polaroid didn't pioneer the instant camera; Dubroni did.  Microsoft didn't pioneer the personal computer spreadsheet; VisiCorp did. Amazon didn't pioneer online bookselling and AOL didn't pioneer online Internet service...It seems that pioneering innovation is good for society but statistically lethal for the individual pioneer!" - Jim Collins in Great by Choice

What Apple realizes is an important reality, that it is not nearly as important to be the first to do something, as it is to be the best at doing something.  Find what other youth workers are creating and make it your own.  Read about good ideas that would fit in your minsitry and adapt them for your context.  You don't have to be the innovator of a new model for ministry or creative idea, just be the best in the context of you ministry enviornment.

Photo Credit: Ruben Bos

Teaching Notes: Lion King

This Sunday we entered the third week of our sermon series for our middle school ministry called "Now Showing."  Each week we are taking scenes from movies and using those to point to Jesus and what it looks like to follow him.  Recently, Disney re-released Lion King and because of that I wanted to include that movie as a part of our series; the scene we used to teach was full of great lessons that are all throughout scripture.

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"You don't even know who you are."

When Rafiki is talking to Simba, Simba is at the point where he has no idea who he is supposed to be.  Simba is in the mddle of an identity crisis.  This is true of Simba in this scene, and it is often true of many of us as Christians.  We may at times look at ourself and see ourself based on the friends we have, the sports we play, or for parents, the jobs that we have.  Anytime that our identity is founded in something other than Jesus, we are in danger of not knowing who we are.  How often would we describe ourselves simply as a child of God?  By the love of Jesus, we have been adopted into the family of Christ and we can know exactly who we are, God's children.

"He's alive."

If Jesus did not rise from the dead, the whole Christian faith is dead.  Our faith is not based alone on the fact that Jesus died on the cross, but also that he rose again 3 days later.  The God we worship is a God that is alive.  He conquered not only sin, but death and the power of the devil.  Death couldn't stop Jesus!

"And if Christ has not been raised, our preaching is useless and so is your faith." - 1 Corinthians 15:14

"He lives in you."

In Rafiki's amusing conversation with Simba, he mentions that Mufasa continues to live on in Simba.  As a Christian one of the things that I often take for granted is that God actually lives in me.  When is the last time you thought about the fact that God lives inside of you?  God is with you wherever you go, amidst the choices you make, and the things you say.  As we live our life as Christians, the presence of God is living inside of us.

"Don’t you know that you yourselves are God’s temple and that God’s Spirit dwells in your midst." - 1 Corinthians 3:16

How To Talk To Teenagers

[This post is a part of the Youth Ministry 101 Series]

Talking to teenagers can be intimidating.  They have their own styles of clothing and music and talk about things that you likely don't understand.  But for some reason you may feel like you need to talk to them.  Perhaps this is because it is your job to raise a teenager or perhaps it is because for some reason God put in you a desire to serve teenagers and help show them Jesus.  Regardless of what your situation is, having a conversation with a teenager can be a difficult thing at first.  But with some patience, you will hopefully be able to move beyond grunting (usually experienced with teenage boys) and get to something a little more meaningful.

What Should I Do?

Approach them. If you have an interest in talking to teenagers, show that interest.  Approach them and try to start a conversation.  It may seem awkward if you haven't done this before, but over time, once a relationship has been established, the conversation will flow more naturally.

Be yourself. One of the worst things you can do is feel like you have to be someone else.  It is certainly helpful to learn to understand dynamics of teenage culture, but don't pretend to be hip and understand everything.  Don't pretend you like to skateboard and go to rock concerts if you don't.  Authenticity will go much further than trendy clothes.

Ask questions. What's a relationship if you don't begin to get to know the other person?  Ask as many questions as possible?  Learn about school, sports, family, hobbies, and anything that you could think of.  These may be little things, but what relationship do you have that doesn't at least establish some interest in what the other person likes.  What's difficult about this, is that in certain situations asking questions may feel like pulling teeth.  Keep asking them.

Remember things. The best way to show that you are really interested is to remember what the teenager shared with you.  Remember their name.  The next week when you see them, ask about the basketball game they referenced was coming up.  Follow up on a prayer request that was made the following week.  The more you make a point to follow up on things that were previously brought up, the more that students will realize how much you care.

Photo Credit: SMcGarnigle

Books Every Youth Worker Should Read

[This post is part of the Youth Ministry 101 series]

I love to read and I have learned that an important part of growing in youth ministry is continually looking to others to learn.  Because of that I regularly read through various youth ministry, leadership, and theology books that will challenge me to look at what I am doing and why I am doing it.  If you are looking for some great youth ministry books to read, I thought I would list out my favorites hear for you.

• Purpose Driven Youth Ministry by Doug Fields
• Ministry Mutiny: A Youth Leader Fable by Greg Stier
• Speaking to Teenagers by Doug Fields and Duffy Robbins
• Seven Practices of Effective Ministry by Andy Stanley, Lane Jones, and Reggie Joiner
• Communicating for a Change by Andy Stanley and Lane Jones
• Think Orange by Reggie Joiner
• Four Views of Youth Ministry and the Church
• Sticky Faith, Youth Woker Edition by Kara Powell
• Your First Two Years in Youth Ministry by Doug Fields
• Middle School Ministry by Mark Oestreicher and Scott Rubin
• College Ministry 101 by Chuck Bomar

Photo Credit: Adam Franco

Dealing with Conflict in Ministry

[This post is a part of the Youth Ministry 101 series]

Without a doubt, there will be times in your ministry that you have to deal with some sort of conflict.  The conflict may be within your volunteer staff, personally with another paid staff member, or even with your senior pastor.  The way we respond to conflict in our ministry can be something that is damaging to the health of our student ministry or a great opportunity to model Christ to the other people involved in the conflict.

Thankfully when it comes to conflict, we don't have to rely on our own principles or strategies, but Jesus himself gives us a standard for how we should handle conflict.

“If your brother or sister sins, go and point out their fault, just between the two of you. If they listen to you, you have won them over. But if they will not listen, take one or two others along, so that ‘every matter may be established by the testimony of two or three witnesses.’If they still refuse to listen, tell it to the church; and if they refuse to listen even to the church, treat them as you would a pagan or a tax collector." - Matthew 18:15-17

Deal With the Issue Head On

If there is some type of conflict in your ministry it must be dealt with head on.  If it is somebody who volunteers for you, approach them so you can talk about the issue; the worst thing for the volunteer would be to let the problem build up and eventually come out in the context of conversations with other leaders or students.  If there is conflict between you and another staff person in your ministry, deal with it right away and do so biblically.

Disagree Privately, Support Publicly

In the instances that you have a conflict with your boss how you respond to the disagreement is critical.  It is both critical to your influence in the ministry and to the health of your local congregation.  This could be a disagreement with the senior pastor or another staff person or, if you are a volunteer in the student ministry, with the lead youth worker.  For the health of the ministry the best response is to make your disagreement known to the leader privately.  Discuss the problem and work through it without gossiping about it to anyone who will listen.  And not only bring up your problem, but as you move forward publicly continue to support the leader as we you talk with those you lead.

Photo Credit: sebastien.barre

Teaching Notes: Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs

This Sunday we continued our middle school ministry's sermon series entitled, "Now Showing."  Now Showing is all about taking films that are not meant to be about Christ and using them to point out and discuss what a life with Christ looks like.  This week our movie for discussion was based on the movie Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs; the main idea being that God doesn't look at what the world looks at.  The following is an overview of the main ideas that we taught for the sermon.

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The Caramel Onion

If I hold up a caramel apple in front of you and show it off, it's likely to look very tasty.  If I also hold up a caramel onion in front of you and show it off, describing it as the same caramel apple, you are probably not going to notice any difference.  A caramel onion on the surface looks exactly like an ordinary caramel apple, but as soon as you bite into you would realize that it is not anything like a caramel apple.  On the surface it may have looked like one thing, but below the surface it was something different entirely.  What we see when we look at the surface is completely different than what is on the inside.  The same thing can be said of people.  Often the way wee see a person on the outside is completely different than the way they are on the inside, which is what God looks at.

Sam Sparks, David, and the Woman at the Well

In Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs, one of the main characters is a young woman named Sam Sparks.  Sam throughout the movie puts on an act as she tries to mask herself to seem like an attractive, dumb-blonde weather reporter while in reality Sam is a nerdy, brilliant meteorologist in love with the science of weather.  On the surface Sam Sparks is a dumb-blonde but below the surface she is someone entirely different.

When speaking of David to Samuel, God spoke, "Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The LORD does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the LORD looks at the heart."  When the world looked at David, they saw a young boy not a powerful King.  They saw a shepherd-boy not a pivotal piece in the line of the Messiah.  Based on David's apperances, nobody would have picked David, but God saw something different.  And even when David sinned, being a murdering, adulterer, God saw David with grace as a man after God's own heart.  What the world sees is not the same as what God sees.

The same goes for the woman at the well.  When Jesus encounters the samaritan woman, he doesn't look at her the same way that the rest of the world looks at her.  She has had many husbands.  She is a samaritan.  And she's a woman.  She goes to the well in the middle of the afternoon and encounters Jesus and Jesus looks at her differently.  He's not affected by her race, by her gender, or by her terrible sin.  Despite what others think, Jesus sees her as a child of God.  Despite her sin, Jesus looks at her with grace.

How Does Jesus Look at You?

No matter what your classmates, co-workers, or neighbors think of you, Jesus sees beyond the surface.  No matter what names and thoughts that you have put on yourself, God doesn't look at the things that people look at.  No matter how bad of sin you have in your life, because of the power of Jesus' death and ressurection, God doesn't look at you as the sinner that you are, but sees you with the righteousness of Christ.

You know how Christ looks at you, how do you look at others?

Photo Credit: OctoberDreaming

Don't Be That Guy

[This post is a part of the Youth Ministry 101 series] The longer you are in youth ministry, the more you will begin to see stereotypes of the hip-young-cool-trendy pastor guy.  This video does an awesome job at poking fun at some of those stereotypes.  The simple lesson...don't be that guy.

[tentblogger-youtube wLGLBVSpBzY]

Youth Ministry for the Long Haul: Marathon or Sprints?

[This post is part of the Youth Ministry 101 series]

I've never really understood why people like running; some athletes get punished by running and runners choose to do it for fun.  In running there are two basic types of running, either long distance or sprints.  Both of these types of running are very accurate metaphors for youth ministry.  In order to be healthy leaders, we need to learn how to lead with both of these concepts in mind.

Youth Ministry as Marathon

Marathon runners put themselves through torture as they run races that are often over 25 miles long.  There are a few things that marathon runners do to make themselves successful.  They train and they pace themselves. Marathon runners put many hours into building up their running muscle so that when it comes to the actual marathon they want to have the endurance to last the entire race.  They also realize that a marathon is significantly different than a sprint; in order to maintain their energy for the duration of they race, they pace themselves.  As we minister to students, it is critical that we spend time preparing ourselves for the marathon of youth ministry and that we pace ourselves to last.

"Quick departures have a lot to do with inaqdequate preparation and unrealistic expectations.  But like running, setting the proper pace assures long-term results and your ability to finish strong...Youth ministry is a race that requires both training and endurance." - Doug Fields

Youth Ministry as Sprints

Sprinting on the other hand is not about lasting a long time.  A sprinter will, for a short period of time, push themselves to their potential and then shortly later stop, rest, and recover.  While running a marathon is about pacing yourself so that you can continue running for long periods of time, sprinting is about working as hard as possible for a short time and then stepping back to recover.  Sprinting is as much about the running as it is about the recovery.

Youth Ministry is filled with seasons.  After a short time in youth ministry, you will quickly notice that certain times of the year are consistently busier, while others are a great opportunity to recover.  A sprinter cannot be successful if they move from sprint to sprint without resting.  A youth worker also cannot move from season to season continually running without stepping back back.  Both athletes and youth workers are in the business of energy management.

"Sprinters typically look powerful, busting with energy and eager to push themselves to their limits.  The explanation is simple.  No matter the demand they face, the finish line is clearly visible 100 or 200 meters down the track.  We, too, must learn to live our own lives as a series of sprints - fully engaging for periods of time, and then fully disengaging and seeking renewal before jumping back into the fray to face whatever challenges confront us." - The Power of Full Engagement

Photo Credit: mtsofan